I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My liver just had a heart attack.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
