What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You are the jesus of drinking
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