he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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