there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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