she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
