She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
