He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
