She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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