This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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