By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
