For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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