i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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