She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
