i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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