I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
