Barsexuality is the new black.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
