hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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