So drunk, too bad you don't want this
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
