I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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