So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
