Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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