Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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