Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
