she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
