Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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