Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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