I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
