My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
