hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
