**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
