Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
