if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
