craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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