How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
3 2 1 whiskey
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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