so explain again why im purple
no
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
