He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
