i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
