He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
