yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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