So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
