Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
