My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i think i have two assholes
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
