despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
