R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
