Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
