i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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