um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
