that's an acceptable place to lick
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
