My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Your cock deserves a montage
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
