what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
